Friday, September 29, 2006

my take on the bachlor party

i know i probably spelled that wrong but who cares.

i want to go to vegas, i want to get loaded and fuck off with my friends. im not going to cheat or do anything that i feel jennster would not want me to do. i have my own morals to goddammit. I understand that she doesnt want it to be a whole weekend but this is what i agreed on and i want to do it.

i feel bad for jenn because i dont have a jealous bone in my body. So i dont really understand the problem or the fear. i have 100% trust in her and in myself.

14 Comments:

Blogger j.sterling said...

it's not about trust. it has nothing to do with jealousy. you are completely missing the point.

this blog surprises me. because reading you say that you "want" this.. you want to do it there and do what is planned, kind of makes me sick. and maybe that's just because of how typical it is. there isn't a more typical bachelor party location than las vegas. there isn't a more typical event at a bachelor party than going to a strip club. and when it comes to you, i hate to think of anything typical... especially when it's a negative association. so it's hard for me to think of you in this way. to associate you with the type of guys who want to go to vegas for a weekend and go to strip clubs while the wife-to-be sits at home and feels like shit about it, doesn't make me feel too good. i feel like i don't matter. like what i think and feel about the situation doesn't matter. it was one thing for me when i thought this was all your brother's idea and you were just grudgingly going along with it (because you felt like you owed him). but now that i hear (and read) you say that you WANT to go there and you totally WANT to do this for a whole weekend.. it changes things. it's not your brother's "fault" anymore. it's something you want. and it just forces me to see you differently. you have to understand that you and i have had discussions about vegas before. and to my knowledge, it's never been a place that you've really wanted to go to. but it's funny how when it's the location for a bachelor party, you're all for it.

like i said in my blog- when i think of vegas, i think of so many things that i don't want to see you as. and i struggle to figure out what part of strip clubs, gambling, dance clubs, etc is a part of your character and personality? i guess it's a part of it somewhere in there, and that's most likely, that hardest part of all of this.

11:38 PM  
Blogger *Tanyetta* said...

Jenn,
you were supposed to call his bluff and say, go honey and have a great time. :)

2:21 PM  
Blogger Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

chris you really did miss the point. i know its hard to understand. but i totally see jenns side to this and if matt wanted to go and do something like this i'd be just as upset. and to see that you actually WANT to go vs. your brother dragging you...i dunno. couldn't you guys do anything else? go do something more "you" and get loaded too????

5:17 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

I dunno. I am in the "not a jealous bone in my body" camp. I "let" Mr. Stapler go to strip clubs with his buddies. He is the only one of his friends who will tell his partner that he is going - they say he is "breaking the code of guys" by telling, but he thinks honesty is more important than a code.

Do I care that he is out looking at other boobies and booties? Nah. He has some fun, he comes home...I don't think he's going to run off with a stripper. But if he does, good for him. I would hope he has fun doing it.

He's not "mine." He's a person that I share my life with to a certain extent. Just because we choose to spend time together doesn't mean that I get to tell him what to do.l

I know I am a weirdo on this one.

5:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, can't you go to Vegas and drink and gamble without going to a strip club? Can't you still have fun, cut loose with your friends without bringing scantily clad, morally questionable women into the picture?

My husband went to a strip club for his "bachelor party", and my DAD bought him a lap dance. He came home drunk off his ass and stinking of cocoa butter lotion. It was disgusting. Sure, he had to sit on his hands in the lap dance chair, but he still had another woman rub her tits in his face. It's just WRONG.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think the real issue is about trust.

The deeper issue is that Jenn feels strongly about this, to the point where she feels physically ill, and you are saying to her through your actions and words that her feelings don't matter.

Is that how you want to start off your marriage?

8:06 PM  
Blogger texas math said...

I don't think wanting a wild and crazy bachelor party is out of character for any man...albeit there are men who choose not to go through with this "tradition"...bachelor parties mean so much to us men...and it goes beyond boobie tassels and g-strings...its a bonding experience...its a way to close a chapter on some very close friendships as the groom will now be focusing his concentration more on his wife and family...its a reason for men to get together and show affection for each other since guys don't typically hold hands with their best friends and tell each other how much they love one another...bachelor parties are typically not much different than when a bunch of guys get drunk together.

Although I feel Jenn may be overreacting...I also feel that since her feelings on this are so strong...then you might need to reconsider certain elements of the bachelor party that you don't really need anyway.

10:07 PM  
Blogger point45 said...

we are going to vegas to have fun. to go ride atvs in the desert and maybe shoot machine guns. we are going to clubs to get drunk. i have insisted that it is not a naked chick weekend. i agreed we could go to one strip club. and thats still in theory. i control my own destiny.

im not the stereotypical male. i dont want to smell like cocoa butter lotion, i dont want some whore touching me.

i dont see what the big deal is. i still call the shots on what I will do and wont do. and i wont do anything that i feel jennster would have a problem with.

10:18 PM  
Blogger Tara said...

I think that bachelor parties are a great idea. As long as everything done is respectable towards the wife-to-be. I'm totally for guys getting together...getting shitfaced and partying, but when it comes to strippers/other women rubbing their bodies on MY husband..im just not into it. Do I think that he's going to run off and have sex with a stripper? No..i really don't! But that still doesn't change the fact that it makes ME feel gross knowing some greasy skanky dirty whore of a stripper was rubbing themselves all over my guy and then he comes home wanting to rub all up on me. It just gives me a gross feeling, and isn't attractive at all.
It seems to me that some guys feel the need to "prove they're still in control of their lives" in ways that hurt the person they're with. Its not about control. Its about respect. Shes not saying you "can't" go. She's saying if you do certain things at your bachelor party, that you should know and understand that when you come home she's going to feel differently towards you. And regardless of what "control" you take of your life, she will feel this way, and you will have to deal with it. Thats just my take on it.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

My basic question is this: why would you want to do anything to hurt the woman you love? Is it simply to prove that you have the right to go where you please ot is it so you don't look like a wuss in front of your friends? If indeed, it is simply to be a weekend of alpha-male bonding, then perhaps strip clubs should be completely out of the picture.

It's all about respect and if going to Vegas isn't going to make you a better person, or strengthen your relationship, then perhaps it isn't worth it.

10:27 AM  
Blogger j.sterling said...

i have something else to add.. because apparently i haven't said enough.

i think that part of my problem with all of this is the fact that i wasn't even asked about how i would feel if that's what you did. i wasn't included in the decision making process (granted, it's not MY party to make the decisions for) but i know damn well that when your brother offered up vegas for a whole weekend with a strip club, etc- that you HAD to know i wouldn't love the idea. you HAD to know that i would be upset. and i know you HAD to know this, because you know me. i mean one of your first thoughts must have been that this isn't going to fly with jenn. or jenn won't be happy. or SOMETHING in regards to me.

when i was told about the bachelor party, i was TOLD about it. i wasn't asked. it wasn't a discussion. it wasn't a nice conversation where i could give my input, etc. it was something i was TOLD about, not included in. something that you agreed too, without even considering my take.

i wonder if it would have been approached differently, if i would be more comfortable with it? i honestly don't know.

but i do think that's part of my problem. the way it was and has been handled. the way your brother talks to me about it. how he's in control and bossy and this is going to happen, and that is going to happen, and i'm going to be fine with it. i'm not a fucking business deal and i don't appreciate being approached or treated like one. and this isn't your brother's life.. he doesn't have to come home to me after that weekend. you do.

i guess i just wish you would have asked me first before saying yes. it might have been nice to feel like my opinion and thoughts on the situation matter.

11:45 AM  
Blogger point45 said...

well im gonna go into the garage and try to build a time machine.

5:31 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

I can understand the desire to want to go out and get hammered with your guys. Every guy needs that before marriage. It's the strip club/Vegas hookers thing that is freaking Jenn out. We women just get worried when there is a lot of alcohol, mixed with easy women, and guys who are persuading you to have "one last night". Just take her feelings into account and reassure her that you wouldn't cheat on her. And really listen to her side of the issue before you make a final decision.

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Question for Jenn: You're comfortable with this guy talking about cunt and cum dumpster and you are surprised that he wants to go on this trip?!!!!! Wow, you are naive. He's going to do what he wants to do. Period. Are you comfortable with this for the rest of your life???????

4:21 PM  

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