fucking hippies.

so today i get off work and come out to my car to find this: most likey due the fact that i also have this:

i just hate hippies and the stereotypes put on 4 wheelers. I go and enjoy nature, be one with nature. i also clean nature. i have a roll of garbage bags in my truck for picking up other peoples trash and leaving it cleaner than i found it.

fuck them

who says im angry

there is a misconception that i have a angery rage filled person that is itching to kill someone. Now that may be true, but i do have self control.

Today i was driving home to my folks to pick up my mail. The road i was driving on his 4 lanes, 2 each way. There was plent of space for the upcoming merge and me and another car were lined up and i was gonna go behind them. then a Silver Nissian Titan came screaming up on my right and tried to get infrom of me, after i was only lane. so i stayed in it and forced him to eithir hit the hill or get behind me. well he kinda got behind me, for a second and turned into the oncomming lane and passed me........in my head i said "fine be a fuck head" until i saw breaklights infront of me. he slammed his breaks on. for a sexond i considered plowing him, since my front bumper would destroy him. but i thought again and stopped in time.

by this time i was imagining crashing him out into the side of the road, ripping him out of his car and turning his face into meatload with my maglight......

when he came to the stop sign (back to 2 lanes) i get next to time, didnt say anything and just looked over. the cocksucker had a kid in the car.

so i called the cops. its one thing to be a road raging asshole, but its completly different when you have a kid with you. so i called the cops. while i operator was asking 10000 questions the guy made 3 U turns trying to loose me( i wasnt chasing him, just following him). On the third one i lost site of him and couldnt find him.

so to all those that say i am a ball of anger poo on you.

even though he deserves to be dragged into the road by his eye socket and shot......doesnt mean im going to do it. i just think thats what he SHOULD GET!

Questioning marraige

on mothers day, everything went well, we went to my moms house for a nice brunch, hung out, went to a awesome concert......but all of that was over shadowed by the abuse i went through. we were playing around at my folks, i cannot stress "playing" enough. until she got pissed and struck me. this is nothing new, she normally hits me on a daily basis. However, this time she hit the top of my shoulder. i think destroyed my rotatorcuff, i might get surgery.

im going to marry a clown

i saw her tonight she had on her makeup. i dont know where her pokadot jump suit and ballons are but i saw her white face..........i dont know what to do.

feeling alone

Being a step dad is hard, sometimes i dont get it. I love jennster more than i love myself.......meaning i love her more than i thought i could love anyone. i dont think anything could break us up. she is more than i could ever ask for. but one thing, the same thing that gives me so much joy, also gives me fear. Blake. What a wonderful kid, i cant say enough great things about him. i really couldnt ask for more of a kid.

What is difficult for me is coming into the game late. i wish blake was my son, i wish he was my flesh and blood and i was there from the day he was born until now. but i wasnt. that cant changethat, but i want to be the best stepdad i can, i want to be everything to him.

seeing him happy makes me happy. i love to see him smile. i love just seeing that face having fun. i feel like i give and give like i want nothing in return. i wish it was the case, but for some reason everynight at dinner he drives me crazy. trying things has because the most difficult issue in my life. i feel like every night at dinner will he an issue, i will ask him to try something, he will refuse.

being a stepdad and wanting blake to have a good foundation, i want jenn and i to be a team, we half to. but thats were it gets hard, my natural instincts arent the same as hers. i havent been there for 5 years of his life, i dont understand what is logical to a 7 year old and what is not.

i come from a food snob family, i love to eat. i like lots of stuff. i will try anything (i.e. haggas, end of story).

sorry if this is random, its not like its some story with a structured story line.

jenn from the beginning of time fixed blake dinner, she fixed what he wanted and then fixed what she wanted. when we merged into a family that changed. I cook dinner now. i want a good dinner, its like "my meal" but im only cooking one(within reason). At first there were some issues about dinner so we came up with a plan. a great plan. a menu. 2 weeks ahead of time. i get 2 days and blake gets 2 days and jenn gets 1. the idea was that it would end the bitching about dinners. it did for a while but like most things in life. it has worn off.

i want blake to try things. i would like to be able to open a cookbook and pick out anything for dinner, but i feel like i cant. it frustrates jenn when i want blake to try something and it frustrates me even more when he wont. i dont know what to do. i want me and jennster to be a team, i want him to have structure and not mixed signals. but its not a big thing for her and it is from me. i want to find a comprimise somewhere but i dont see where. it bothers me how much it bothers me. i came from a strict family. causes and effects. but its different. i feel like it would be so much easier if i was there from the start. but i wasnt.

i feel lost.

i want to profread this but im not going to. fuck me here it goes.