feeling alone
Being a step dad is hard, sometimes i dont get it. I love jennster more than i love myself.......meaning i love her more than i thought i could love anyone. i dont think anything could break us up. she is more than i could ever ask for. but one thing, the same thing that gives me so much joy, also gives me fear. Blake. What a wonderful kid, i cant say enough great things about him. i really couldnt ask for more of a kid.
What is difficult for me is coming into the game late. i wish blake was my son, i wish he was my flesh and blood and i was there from the day he was born until now. but i wasnt. that cant changethat, but i want to be the best stepdad i can, i want to be everything to him.
seeing him happy makes me happy. i love to see him smile. i love just seeing that face having fun. i feel like i give and give like i want nothing in return. i wish it was the case, but for some reason everynight at dinner he drives me crazy. trying things has because the most difficult issue in my life. i feel like every night at dinner will he an issue, i will ask him to try something, he will refuse.
being a stepdad and wanting blake to have a good foundation, i want jenn and i to be a team, we half to. but thats were it gets hard, my natural instincts arent the same as hers. i havent been there for 5 years of his life, i dont understand what is logical to a 7 year old and what is not.
i come from a food snob family, i love to eat. i like lots of stuff. i will try anything (i.e. haggas, end of story).
sorry if this is random, its not like its some story with a structured story line.
jenn from the beginning of time fixed blake dinner, she fixed what he wanted and then fixed what she wanted. when we merged into a family that changed. I cook dinner now. i want a good dinner, its like "my meal" but im only cooking one(within reason). At first there were some issues about dinner so we came up with a plan. a great plan. a menu. 2 weeks ahead of time. i get 2 days and blake gets 2 days and jenn gets 1. the idea was that it would end the bitching about dinners. it did for a while but like most things in life. it has worn off.
i want blake to try things. i would like to be able to open a cookbook and pick out anything for dinner, but i feel like i cant. it frustrates jenn when i want blake to try something and it frustrates me even more when he wont. i dont know what to do. i want me and jennster to be a team, i want him to have structure and not mixed signals. but its not a big thing for her and it is from me. i want to find a comprimise somewhere but i dont see where. it bothers me how much it bothers me. i came from a strict family. causes and effects. but its different. i feel like it would be so much easier if i was there from the start. but i wasnt.
i feel lost.
i want to profread this but im not going to. fuck me here it goes.
What is difficult for me is coming into the game late. i wish blake was my son, i wish he was my flesh and blood and i was there from the day he was born until now. but i wasnt. that cant changethat, but i want to be the best stepdad i can, i want to be everything to him.
seeing him happy makes me happy. i love to see him smile. i love just seeing that face having fun. i feel like i give and give like i want nothing in return. i wish it was the case, but for some reason everynight at dinner he drives me crazy. trying things has because the most difficult issue in my life. i feel like every night at dinner will he an issue, i will ask him to try something, he will refuse.
being a stepdad and wanting blake to have a good foundation, i want jenn and i to be a team, we half to. but thats were it gets hard, my natural instincts arent the same as hers. i havent been there for 5 years of his life, i dont understand what is logical to a 7 year old and what is not.
i come from a food snob family, i love to eat. i like lots of stuff. i will try anything (i.e. haggas, end of story).
sorry if this is random, its not like its some story with a structured story line.
jenn from the beginning of time fixed blake dinner, she fixed what he wanted and then fixed what she wanted. when we merged into a family that changed. I cook dinner now. i want a good dinner, its like "my meal" but im only cooking one(within reason). At first there were some issues about dinner so we came up with a plan. a great plan. a menu. 2 weeks ahead of time. i get 2 days and blake gets 2 days and jenn gets 1. the idea was that it would end the bitching about dinners. it did for a while but like most things in life. it has worn off.
i want blake to try things. i would like to be able to open a cookbook and pick out anything for dinner, but i feel like i cant. it frustrates jenn when i want blake to try something and it frustrates me even more when he wont. i dont know what to do. i want me and jennster to be a team, i want him to have structure and not mixed signals. but its not a big thing for her and it is from me. i want to find a comprimise somewhere but i dont see where. it bothers me how much it bothers me. i came from a strict family. causes and effects. but its different. i feel like it would be so much easier if i was there from the start. but i wasnt.
i feel lost.
i want to profread this but im not going to. fuck me here it goes.
posted by point45 at 8:23 PM
13 Comments:
First of all, part of being a Dad is the values that you teach Blake and truthfully, when he gets older, he will admit freely that he doesn't remember you ever not being around and that you and Jenn are his parents. This happened to me since my mom was divorced and then remarried when I was 4 years old. Just you loving and wanting the best for him is enough to make you a real Dad, regardless of the flesh and blood thing. Don't be so hard on yourself. Also, being a team and a unified front doesn't just happen, it takes time. My wife and I don’t agree on everything either, but we work it out.
As far as the food goes, everyone has things that they will or will not eat. My wife LOVES mushrooms, but they're just spores and fungus to me. I don't like them. I'm much more of a meat and potatoes guy. When she makes dinner with something that I don't like, I just eat around it or pick it out. We also have a 7 month old daughter, and I am used to having dinner at 6pm, but by the time we get her all feed, our dinner cooked and everything cleaned up, It's usually close to 8pm. I don't love that we end so late, but all of it is worth it for me so I can be with Jenn (my Jenn, not yours). It's about compromise.
OK.........I'm done with my incoherent thoughts now.
wow chris. its nice to see this side of you. it really is. and its normal to feel that way. but i'm such a picky eater too and i know i never try anything new and me and jenn have had this discussion before. dont be so hard on blake if he wont try something. your hearts in the right place and i think that matters most. youre an awesome dad to him and he adores you and i totally admire you for putting yourself out there with this comment. now i can't wait to meet you more!
Hey Chris, can totally relate to you, although my problem is with my 32 yr old husband! He is so picky, and I can never cook anything for him but tacos, spaghetti, or plain chicken. He refuses to eat veggies. It is so annoying, and I blame his mom for not making him eat different things when he was younger (but I still love her)! I plan on making my kids at least try new things, because how else do you know if you like them? I've gotten Jason to the point where he will usually try things, but still, it sucks. You and Jenn just have to figure out what will work best in your situation. I know that you are an awesome step-dad to Blake, and I imagine it can be really hard, but really rewarding. :)
Dude, I think you are a great step-dad. But food is one thing kids won't budge on. To a 7 year old, the logic is that he would rather not eat than try something new. And as crazy as that sounds, it may be awhile before that changes.
I put this on Jenns post, but I'll tell you too, I would recomend making one thing, however small, a night that he will eat. Then making you and Jenn a meal. Don't push Blake, just tell him it is there if he wants to try it.
You're doing the right thing, but at 7 it is kinda late to change the dinner thing. The more easy going about it the better. I know it is frustrating, but by pushing trying things, it only creates food issues.
Sorry, I couldn't be more helpful.
I am just like you. I eat everything. Mike on the other hand (like he said above) meat and potatoes. I feel like I can't just open a cookbook and cook stuff either. It's annoying. But he will pick stuff out, like he said. *shrug* He's 30-somthing...can't get around it.
They say that you should feed babies as many differant things as possible before they hit 2, cause that's when it starts. You don't have that choice, but I think if you try slowly it could get better. Maybe see if you can make a deal with him. He could just try 1 new thing a week or every 2 weeks. But Melissa is right, don't force him to eat it, cause then it will NEVER get better and he will then hate whatever you make him eat for the rest of his life.
Hi! I'm a friend of Jenn's. We meant on her last day at work before you whisked her away to NoCal.
First and foremost, it's so awesome that you cook! I'd love it if my BF cooked.
Now here's my opinion (and it's going to be long): I'm a single mom of a 14yo girl. My last relationship was difficult because he was too opinionated (negatively) on how I was raising my kid. Even though he may have had a point, it was difficult to handle because I was so use to handling things on my own before he came along and would totally shut him out. I absolutely commend you on being supportive of Jenn's solo raising of Blake before you entered the picture.
But here's my take on this dinner issue: Granted you've acknowledged that you can't change what's been in affect before you came along but I think it's time for you to assert yourself in this situation because bottomline, Blake does have an active birth dad but you ultimately spend the most time with him and in essence will have a HUGE effect on his life from this point forward.
I haven't posted on Jenn's site yet but here's what I did with my my daughter (who now LOVES sushi): the 3 of you need to sit down and have a family talk. He's old enough now to contribute to this. Explain to him how you were brought up meal-wise. Let him know your fustration is not because you're mad at him, it's just that you care and want him to be open to trying new things (and not just food.) Let him know you wouldn't ever try to make him eat something totally icky (haggas..ew!) Explain that now you are the one cooking dinner and it's not always easy to accommodate his likes and the menu plan can't always work. Make a deal that he should at least try it and if he doesn't like it he can spit it out in a napkin because he won't know if he likes it until he tries it. If he makes a concerted effort (ie, compromises...good time to teach him that), then you'll be happy to consider making something he likes instead after you & Jenn have eaten but he HAS to try. Also, have him cook with you. I'm not sure if he's home while you're cooking but it'll be good to get him involved, to see what you're doing and how things are prepared. Maybe the sight of new food and not knowing how it happened on his plate will take away some of this stubborness.
It's hard to reprogram him (and Jenn) and it won't be easy. There will be a lot of tears but you have to at least try or no one will be happy. Blake's a smart kid but remember, you and Jenn are the adults and parents (regardless of the blood relation).
BTW - Ex-BF always preached structure but I dismissed that thought...didn't get it. I do now and, honestly, wish I would've given him more credit because, *sigh*, he was right. Reprogramming a 7yo is easier than a 14yo.
Ok, I'm done now. Good luck with this and continue to do what you're doing. Oh yeah, will you teach my BF how to cook? :)
thank you all for the comments....long ones by the way.....damn....me and the woman are going to have to put our heads together and figure out what is best for all......all of your imput was a great help.
thankyou.
Hey..........happy birthday dude.
Hey, happy birthday.
Chris is your name? With as much as Jennster talks you up I thought it was Zeus or Thor or Earl or something along those lines...
But back to your story, just to let you know. Studies have shown that children's taste buds (and taste buds is not the technical name for it which would be cooler if I could remember it right now) are much much more sensitive than that of the average adult. This is the biggest factor in why a child's menu is so limited.
It's not so much of a preference issue or just the eccentricies of a growing child, but a fact of nature that Blake cannot eat certain foods and it will take several years before he is able to try new foods.
As far as the step dad thing...when Blake gets older the "step" part will almost assuredly be removed and even though you aren't biological, he will be very lucky for having you as one of his parents.
thankyou for the bdays....i feel old.
tony, thats very interesting....oh and im not zues....he is my dad:)
but in all serious thanks that is some good stuff to consider.
Interesting site. Useful information. Bookmarked.
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